JOHN COLTRANE – Om (1968)

Review by: Joseph Middleton-Welling
Album assigned by: Syd Spence

“Coltrane for tryhards”- Blob Nayld, PhD

Like a door creaking. Not in a good way. Sounds like fucking ass. This is a bad album. Right i like some free jazz but this is a load of wank (“its pretty wank”). Oh Coltrane was apparently on LSD during the sessions, probably thought his saxophone was a snake or something. Honk honk honk. Like elvin jones sounds like he has no idea whats going on. The best bits on this record are the chants. Sounds a bit like magma. It’s a fucking horrible album. 
Advertisements

FIRST IMPRESSIONS (OR: CRETINIC INTERLUDES): Paul McCartney – Take It Away (1982)

Written by: Blob Nalyd Ph.D 

Today we’re taking a nice little stroll through the world of post-Beatles decrepitude! Imagine, it’s 1982, three million in the U.K. are unemployed, there’s a flipping gas crisis, and the world is seen permanently through beer goggles… 
But hark! A hit single arises from the flames like a beacon of hope! Many ex-hippies shake their heads in disgust, then continue on with their macrobiotic diets. Roger Waters is in tears, understandably.

Are we ready? Okay now, put on your hearing aids, dads! 

The song is “Take It Away” (my thoughts exactly!), from “Tug My Finger, I’m Paul McCartney, Bitch!”… wait, no, that’s not right… 
aw, who gives a shit, really?

My, my, this is some real easybeat for the teenyboppers! You can just shake your head or jerk your calf muscles spasmodically – it really don’t matter, ’cause no one on the record’s got rhythm anyhow!
But oh man, it’s got a hook! Smooth as whipped butter! I gotta sit down now, ’cause I’d shit myself standing!

… 

Ringo Starr? Who the fuck is that??


In the lyric, this song seems to address all manner of self-descriptive somethingsomething impresario something band put on a show something, someone got my coke stash? Take it away, let’s play ’til the lights go down, then smack my ass silly!
Frankly, this song fails to grab my interest, as the postmodern aesthetic within seems to be invisible… 
Dear God, it’s almost pre-modernist! Throw some autotune on there, granny!

Fortunately, it seems George Martin really saved the day once again on this one, adding a nice, tight little horn chart for the coda followed by… A GOD DAMN FADEOUT!!!???…

(sounds of McCartney II eight-track being smashed to bits) 


AW, FUCK YOU! MAKES ME WANNA GO MICTURATE ON A POLICEMAN.


OFFICIAL (UPDATED) LIST OF MUSIC FOR PISSING ON COPS:

Bob Marley – Get Up, Stand Up
Derek Bailey – (career span)
Paul McCartney – Take It Away
John Lennon – #9 Dream
Paul Simon – (Take Me to the) Mardi Gras

(…TO BE CONTINUED…)