Review by: Franco Micale
Album assigned by: Alejandro Muñoz G
Disclaimer: I’ve been really busy and stressed lately, and I kinda snapped when writing this review. I’m totally cool right now. Just letting ya’ll know…
I really apologize to whoever assigned me the review.
Six reasons you should listen to this album:
6) Hey, you’ve had a long, tiring day. Why not give it a rest, relax, and enjoy some Latin/samba/congo/idon’tknowwhattodefine it as kind of music. Just…seriously…relax, everything will be fine. It will be alright. Say it with me now. Everything. Will. Be. Alright. Listen to that first track. Listen to those blaring horns, that deep, thumping, constantly grooving bass line, those absolutely jazzusical piano chords. It’s like Carlos Santana, except years before and without all those cathartic guitar solos. Okay maybe it’s nothing like Carlos Santana. Whatever, it’s fun, it’s relaxing, it’s not emotionally stirring, but it gives you good vibrations, makes you tap your feet, makes you calm and relaxed. Or perhaps it will make you energized and powered with hyper-positivity, depending what mood were you in before. Just don’t think about that work you still have to do. It’s not there. It’s there. It’s still there. But, right now let’s focus on it.
5) Hey, you know what, you’ve only listened to rock music all your life. Okay, sure, you are fan of electronic music, some classical, jazz here and there…but how much samba music have you heard? NONE. Except for maybe at some party you went to a while back. Nevermind, think of this as an opportunity to expand your horizons. Borden your taste. Show those hipsters how much higher your musical I.Q. is. Yeah, pst, they don’t listen to Joe Bataan do they? Do they? No they don’t. That’s right. They only know about Captain Beefheart or Faust, or someshit. Yeah, cool story guys. You listen to rock music that’s not very popular, that’s experiential, makes you so much more of an experienced listener doesn’t it now? Well, look at me. Look at the type of music I’m listening to. Yeah, fucking samba jazz latin music. It’s not experimental, but you know damn well there’s feeling to it. And, do you listen to that? No you don’t. Go back to your fucking Can or whatever experimental krautrock you wank off to. Fucking pseudo-intellects, trying to pose as intelligent music listeners.
4) Maybe you are emotionally sad right now. Perhaps you are feeling horrible, or stressed, or unhappy. Hey, why not give a listen to Jaunto then? It’ll cheer you. From the first nanosecond that you hear those piano chords get struck, you know you are in for a sensational time. God, are you even listening to track right now? Listen to the individual instruments, how they all interact with each with such joy and enthusiasm. It’s as they are all throwing an enormous party, full of dancing, drinking, and laughter. Or perhaps they are just meeting up, and having a loud, lively conversation with each other, sharing jokes and wonderful memories and experiences with each other. Whatever it is these instruments are metaphorically feeling about each other, it is without doubt positive and full of friendship and love.
3) Well, what if you are throwing a party, and you need groovy music in the background. Maybe..you have no idea what kind of groovy music you want. Sure, you could have some disco, but you worry that people will think of it as too dated or cheesy or cliched. What if they think that you are some person who is stuck in the 70s, or whose music taste doesn’t extend past Paul Anka or Hall N’ Oats or The Bee Gees. WHAT IF THEY THINK YOU ONLY ENJOY OLD PEOPLE MUSIC? kay, how about some Miles Davis? Alright, then, let’s play some Miles Davis! That should be cool enough! I mean, you can still listen to Miles Davis and be cool and…oh wait, what if they think the music is boring? What if they think its too noddling? What if they think I’m pretenious for liking Miles Davis? WHAT MILES DAVIS ALBUM SHOULD I USE!? OH FUCK I HAVENT EVEN LISTEN TO MILES DAVIS! SHIT SHIT SHIT WHAT IF THERE IS SOMETHING LIKE HARSH OR DISSONANT IN THERE AND I FUCK EVERYTHING UP AND ALL MY FRIENDS AND ALL THOSE PEOPLE INVITED GET TURNED OFF BY ME AND I END UP HAVING NO FRIENDS ARE…alright, calm down. Calm down. What about some ambient?
“That’s not groovy enough” – your conscience says
“Oh, okay” – you say
After an hour of feeling indecisive, you finally decide to settle upon the music of Joe Bataan’s “Subway Joe”. Ah yes, this is perfect. It’s sounds authentic and classic without being dated and corny, it can make you come off as having cool taste without making it seem like you are proud of it or anything, it can work as both music that can settle in the backround AND as something that you can just listen to for pleasure. That way, the music can be enjoyable to the people who attend your party, while at least not being incridebly distracting. Thank you Joe Bataan. You’ve saved me from my insecurity.
2) Second reason…hmmm…ugh. I don’t know. What do you think Tristan Peterson?
Tristan: Well, hm. I don’t like latin music. So I contradict just about everything you say about liking it.
Franco: Yeah well.
ur a fgt
Tristan: that is true, i do enjoy taking it from behind now and then
Franco: ur stoopud
COME ON INSULT ME
Tristan: Why should I? If i start with one insult, then, well, daygo downhill from there
fi s h
fish fish fsih fsihfishi
fish + fish = fish
WIRE DID NOTHING WRONG
I DIDNT WRITE THAT
THAT WAS TRISTAN PETERSON
IT WAS FRANCO
IT WAS ALL FRANCO
HE WAS DISGUISING HIMSELF AS ME
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME???
LOOK AT HIM AND LAUGH
i am not franco
i am not tristan
JONATHAN HOP KINS
FREE PUSSY RIOT
fuck fuck fuck shit shit shit fuck fuck fuck fuck shit shit wshit
Franco hates london calling
no he doesn’t
yes he does
he’s been converted
to the meme side
the meme side of the moon
THE MEME SIDE OF THE FORCE
dick dick dick pussy pussy pussy jonathan hopkins jonathan hopkins
1) Overall, this is a really great album. Really, sincerely. I loved it. It’s such HAPPY music, pouring with life and spirit. Yeah sure, there may be nothing experimental or groundbreaking or innovative or original or >insert music critic adjective here< but you know what this isn’t the type of music that one should carefully analyze or think very deeply about. This is the kind of music that one should just put on, sit down, and enjoy, without overthinking why they like it or what the meaning of the album is (unless the Spanish lyrics are actually about the collapse of society or some shit). Just, calm down, relax, and feel the grooves man. And try not to think about all that work you are avoiding.